Separating or Divorcing with Children

Our most frequently asked questions:

• How is child custody (contact and residence) determined in a divorce or separation?

  It is open to you and your former partner to agree between you who your child should live with and when each parent spends time with your child. If you can't come to an agreement, then you can ask the court to decide where your child lives and when you see them. If the court is asked to make a decision then it will consider what is in the child's best interests. This will include considering any view that your child has expressed about who they want to live with and when they want to see their other parent.

• How is child support calculated and what expenses does it cover?

  Child maintenance is money which is used to help pay for all a child's living costs when one parent (or guardian) does not live with the said child as part of the family.

  Child maintenance is calculated based on a number of factors such as the paying parent's income, whether they are receiving any benefits, or other factors which may affect the paying parent's ability to pay (like whether they are paying maintenance for another child). The Child Maintenance Service will then apply one of five rates based on the gross weekly income of the paying parent and the average number of nights per week the child stays with the paying parent.
  

• What is a parenting plan and why is it important?

  A parenting plan is a document which parents can access at any time to remind themselves as to the arrangements for their children. It is a communication aid and can help to prevent disagreements or misunderstandings. Parenting plans can be made by the parents/family themselves or with assistance from solicitors or mediators. Each plan is bespoke to the individual child/family and can contain as little or as much information as would be considered helpful.

• How can I help my child adjust to the changes caused by divorce or separation?

  It is widely acknowledged that it is unresolved conflict, not parental separation or divorce, which is most harmful to children. If parents are able to separate in a manner which keeps their children at the centre of their thinking and decision-making then children are able to cope better with changes in their family circumstances. If parents want help with the changes caused by separation then there are many resources available for them or their children. There are a number of good books and websites set up to help. It is also important to ensure that those who live/work most closely with children (such as teachers and child minders) are aware of any issues so that they can support the children or family when appropriate.

• What are my rights as a parent during a divorce or separation?

  While the impact of a separation upon children varies (particularly when considering their age), it can leave some feeling that their whole world has been turned upside down. Some children can feel a sense of loss and others may build feelings of anger and confusion. Many children cling on to a hope that their parents will reconcile. Sometimes these feelings can manifest into adverse behaviours and emotions.

  Provided both parents had parental responsibilities and parental rights before the separation and no orders have been made by the court to restrict or remove them, the legal position will remain the same.

  Depending on the living and care arrangements, there may be a 'resident parent' and a 'contact' parent. Notwithstanding the separation, parents should continue to work together to co-parent their child(ren). Whilst the relationship or marriage may have broken down, the bond as parents will continue forever.