Long distance co-parenting - five top tips

Long-distance co-parenting is on the rise. Employment opportunities, new relationships and economic pressures are just three reasons why a separated parent may find themselves considering a long-distance move. Consideration should of course always be given to the impact any such move may have on children. 

Once a move has taken place, it is important for separated parents to communicate clearly and effectively with one another in order to facilitate an amicable long distance co-parenting relationship. Here are our five top tips to help parents navigate long-distance contact arrangements:

1. Be consistent

Consistency is key. It is important for children to have a well-structured and established routine for contact, whether this is taking place in-person, over video calls or, most commonly, by a combination of the two. Scheduling regular calls ahead of time can help to provide children with a sense of stability and certainty in relation to their contact arrangements. It can also allow you to ensure that you are able to be fully present during these calls with no distractions.

2. Be available

Whilst having a clear and consistent routine for contact is essential, it is also important to ensure that you are available outside of these times. Life is full of “little moments” which you will not want to miss. Even if you are not able to be there in-person, diarising important events, such as school tests and shows, can allow you to set helpful reminders and stay involved with your child’s ongoing commitments. It is important for children to know that they are able to reach out to you outwith the times of pre-arranged calls and, by staying up to date with your child’s ongoing commitments, this can help you to remain fully present in their lives even if you are no longer living close by.

3. Be realistic

It is not easy for any parent who has been looking forward to a pre-arranged call with their child to have this abruptly cut short. For younger children, long calls can be challenging and difficult for them to engage with. It is important that you bear this in mind and be realistic with your approach to pre-arranged calls. It is not uncommon for young children to lose focus or even become upset during longer calls, particularly where these are taking place just before bedtime. Shorter, more frequent calls at a time when your child is less likely to be hungry or sleepy may be the way to go to ensure that these calls can be fully enjoyed.

4. Be flexible

When it comes to pre-arranged calls with older children, flexibility is crucial. Plans with friends, unexpected homework and events can all crop up at the last minute from time to time. These can lead to requests to change the time of your pre-arranged call. If these calls do have to be rescheduled, you should try your best to be understanding of this and flexible as far as possible. Where alternatives are available, insisting that the call continue to take place at the pre-arranged time may lead to your child developing negative feelings towards your calls. Whilst for the most part having a clear and consistent routine is important, it is also important to be flexible, accommodating and understanding of your child’s other commitments.

5. Be creative

Video calls which repeatedly revolve around you discussing your child’s day are less likely to be engaging than video calls which incorporate small games. For younger children in particular, games can turn calls from boring and repetitive to fun and exciting. There are plenty of ideas online for engaging games which can be played over video calls. For example, you could try drawing pictures of one another, taking part in a scavenger hunt or building a story together. For older children, quizzes and board games with adaptations can be a fun way to enjoy longer calls.

These tips are intended to help with some of the practical difficulties surrounding long-distance co-parenting. If you require assistance in relation to any of the legal aspects surrounding long-distance co-parenting, please contact one of our family lawyers.