The most magical time of year? Maybe for some, but unfortunately not all. For separated parents and often the children involved, it is a time of year that can be extremely difficult. Unless there is an agreement or a court order outlining where the children are to spend their time, it is easy for conflict to arise. Emotions can run high and rather than being a joyful time, arguments can overshadow both the day itself and often the weeks or months leading up to it.
As family lawyers, we regularly assist separating parents reach an agreement on the residence and contact arrangements for their children. As well as regular contact, we always encourage clients to think about and make provision for key dates throughout the year, holidays, birthdays, Christmas, new year – as these can often be areas of contention in the future, particularly when there are young children involved.
If you do not have an agreement in place it may be beneficial to think about whether this would help going forward. Otherwise, here are our top tips to for navigating Christmas contact arrangements.
Plan
It's never too early to start planning. We often hear from parents when it is too late for any meaningful negotiations to take place so give yourself plenty of time to sort things out.
Think about where the children spent their time last year, does it work best to alternate Christmas and Boxing Day each year, could the day be split with the children spending time with one parent in the morning and another for dinner later in the day? There is no one size fits all, think about what would work best for your children.
Communicate
Communication between separated parents, particularly around big events, is key. Start the conversation early. Be flexible and try not to adopt an all or nothing approach.
Consider whether you can also talk about gifts. Is it possible to agree who will be responsible for buying the various items on your child's list or alternatively, can you agree a budget?
Older children will often have their own views and if it's appropriate, involve them in the discussion.
Two Christmas's are better than one
If you don’t spend the day with your children and must celebrate on another day, make the most of the time you have. From a child's perspective, two Christmas's are better than one!
Above all, try and put your children at the centre of the plans and discussions and try not to focus on what is fair for you as the parent.
If you are struggling to reach agreement about the care arrangements for your children and think that a formal agreement would help to unlock an impasse, please get in touch. Our team has experience in assisting parents in a range of ways to resolve these types of disputes, including through mediation, collaboration, joint meetings and negotiation.
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