What to expect in child-inclusive mediation

What is Child-Inclusive Mediation?

Family mediation is a well-known method of resolving disputes between separated parents about their children. An independent mediator aims to assist them to communicate more effectively in order that they can reach their own decisions about their children. Child-inclusive mediation (CIM) is a type of family mediation which allows children an opportunity to be heard by their parents before arrangements affecting the children are made or changed. There must be family mediation between parents for there to be CIM. Although traditional family mediation between separated parents is "child-focused" or "child-centred", this does not make it child-inclusive.

In traditional family mediation, the parents are often asked what they think the children may say about the current or proposed arrangements and they are asked to consider what is in the best interests of the children and to put those interests before their own. In CIM cases, the mediator will meet with the child or children separately and will ask them if they wish to share any views or messages with their parents about the current or proposed arrangements. Where the children choose for their views to be shared, those can help inform the parents' discussions.

It is a key principle of family mediation that it is voluntary for the participants and that the discussions are confidential. These principles also apply to CIM. The parents must both consent to their children speaking to the mediator in CIM and the mediator can only proceed with meeting the child if the child consents to the meeting. The child must consent to the mediator sharing their views or information with the parents and others and as such the discussions with the child are also confidential (subject to safeguarding concerns). Common to both types of mediation is that it is the parents and not the children who are in control of the decision-making.

One of the key objectives in CIM is giving the children a voice. In doing so, parents have a better understanding of their children's needs and feelings and can make more informed decisions.

Who can practice Child-Inclusive Mediation?

CIM is offered by Relationship Scotland mediators and by some mediators registered with Scottish Mediation. Since 2024, a small number of family law mediators in Scotland (including me) have also been trained in CIM.

Family law mediators who are trained in CIM can offer this service in suitable cases. While family law mediators are bound by a Code of Practice which requires that they are impartial, and trained, there is also a supplementary Code for those who are CIM trained. In addition to requiring to be trained in CIM, they are also expected to be PGV registered as they will be working with children.

The process of Child-Inclusive Mediation

CIM is not suited to all cases, especially high conflict cases, cases where there has been abuse or cases where there are already other experts involved with the children. For those which appear to be suitable at the outset, there are various stages before a CIM trained mediator will meet with the children.

The first stage is likely to begin at the individual intake meetings which are required at the start of any family mediation. The mediator introduces the parents to the possibility of meeting with the children. It is explained that both parents and the children must consent to the process. Confidentiality is explained and the mediator confirms that they will not disclose to the parents what they have discussed with the children unless the children consent to the sharing of information or if there is a safeguarding issue.

The second stage involves the CIM mediator assessing "parental readiness" for and agreeing the purpose of CIM. This may start at the intake sessions but it is likely to be a significant feature in the first joint session between the parents and may require discussion at subsequent joint sessions. The mediator needs to be satisfied that the parents are likely to accept input from their children even if it differs from their own views. The parents must recognise that there may be no feedback from the children or hard to hear feedback. It is essential that the mediator is satisfied that neither parent will attempt to influence the children before their meeting with the mediator or probe them afterwards.

If these conditions are met, the mediator will invite the child to meet with them. Where there are siblings, they will usually be invited to individual meetings with the mediator. Invitation may be by letter or email and the effectiveness of this stage will usually depend on what they have been told by their parents.

It is only when a child has accepted the invitation that they will meet with the mediator. Although they may be taken to the appointment by a parent the children will meet with the mediator in private. The mediator will attempt to build a rapport with the child before asking for the child's views. If the child does wish to share a message with one or both parents, the message will be in their own words and may even be given in their own handwriting. Any such message will be relayed to the parents by the mediator at the next joint mediation session.

Managing the feedback to the parents may be the final stage of the CIM process although the joint mediation sessions can continue beyond the parental feedback session as the parents process what they have learned. In some cases, however, children may ask for a further meeting if they wish to have feedback from the mediator about how their views were received.

The role of children in Child-Inclusive Mediation

Children can express their views and feelings in whatever way they wish. Their messages for their parents can be particularly powerful when they are in the children's own handwriting. If the children cannot write then the mediator will note the child's own words.

Feedback from the children can help the parents to better understand the needs of their children and consider new ideas or options. In the right cases, CIM can help parents hear what is important to their children. Often what is important to their children is not what they thought. This enables parents to consider their children's views when making decisions. This may assist with "future-proofing" the arrangements. It also helps the children to feel heard and can help reduce anxiety and confusion.

For more information or to speak with one of our family law experts, please get in touch.